Exhausted Panic

It's a day and a half until embryo transfer. This time, due to a change in procedure at the clinic, we will only get a call on Friday morning if there is a problem with the defrosting process. So no ...

IVF cycle #3: What I need

Tomorrow I will go for my scan. I began this new cycle on 29th April, and have been studiously taking the drugs since then to switch off my hormones and let the medicine take charge. I feel like I'm in a constant ...

How am I?

I've been asked this question a lot recently. Always in love, and with a concerned look and sad smile. Maybe a shoulder pat, and always followed by an expectant pause... Some days I'm just fine. So I say, "Yeah, I'm good ...

Sunday

I went to church today. John and Toby did not, as Toby has Chickenpox (great timing) and thus is under quarrentine. This meant I sat alone. I was joined by one of the pastors for a little while as she comforted ...

Miscarriage

This week has been awful. What started as heavy bleeding Monday morning slowed up into the evening, only to start again Tuesday morning, repeating this pattern over a couple of days. With each decrease in flow, hope creeped back in. But ...

The Moment

When big, bad things happen, they happen in an instant. One moment you're eating your tea. The next, your mum's on the phone and she has cancer. Everything's changed. One moment you're queuing for coffee. The next, your mother-in-law is on the ...

Uncertainty

So, we got to the early pregnancy clinic at 7.30am. We were the first there by a long shot. We just wanted answers. Is there anything left, with or without a heartbeat? The clinic filled up fast, and we were the ...

Not good news

I'm writing this to distract me. Don't judge. About 2 hours ago I started bleeding. A little at first, then a lot. I'm in a lot of pain. We've called the clinic, but there is nothing they can do other than wait ...

Test Day

This morning, at 6.30am, I took the test we'd been waiting 2 weeks for. I couldn't bear to watch it develop, so I went back into the bedroom where Toby was bouncing all over our bed and a tired John ...

3 or 4 days to go

We're in the midst of the dreaded 2-week wait. We'll be doing a pregnancy test on either Wednesday or Thursday this week. I need to call the clinic to check which day will be best. I've been asked if I'm at ...